Alhamdulillah, for another Ramadhan.

Unlike last year, and most of the years before, I don't really get the chance to celebrate the first day of puasa with my family, because of boarding school, and last year I had final examination during first day of ramadhan.

I am so happy that this year I get the chance to Sahur and break the fast, gather with my whole family. What make it even more special is that, my grandmother and my aunty also joining us since they are staying at my home now. Blessed.

As long as I can remember ever since I was 13 years old, Ramadhan has been one of my favourite month of the year. Basically, good things always happen to me during this month. It brings lot of happiness. Strengthen the bonding between my family members.. and also improve the relationship I have with people around me, friends especially. because this month normally we will have sort of 'mini gathering', iftar together, had a good time. I am not sure how is it going for this time, but I hope for better days to come.

Next week I will be having my final exam and to be honest, I don't think my preparation is sufficient. that's the problem to be at home during study week, because it gets too overwhelmed and comfortable at home, plus it sort of like it's the time for me to 'repay' those sleepless nights I had few weeks ago. lol.

I just had prepare meals for sahur. It feels good to be able to do this. and I am so excited to cook for iftar later.

no proper pictures, only too much Onion and guess what is this for? lol

okay i'll just enjoy little bit few more days before I will really focus for my final. hehe.

thats all for now.

Apparently, yesterday was my mom’s birthday, May 28. As I am not yet home, I wish her through phone call. Sincere thought. Nothing much.

So later that day, mama sent few pictures on our family Whatsapp group. Pictures of previous cards that she got from us (me, my lil brother and my baby sister).

I don’t know how she would feel as when I saw those pictures of the cards, I felt so overwhelmed. So sensitive, yes I know.

Mostly the cards were made by my baby sister. I was so overwhelmed to see how she’s consistently make wishes card, let it be my mom & dad’s birthday, and also my parents anniversary. Since I went to boarding school, I spent less time at home, and rarely made time to create something wonderful like my baby sister did.

I was overwhelmed to see how the cards ‘evolves’ as she’s growing up. She is being sweet, thoughtful and very considerate. Although she is 15 years old now. But for me, she is still my baby sister. We still call her baby, even in front of her friends, lol.

Yeap, received these images last night and decided I want to compile it. I am not sure exactly the arrangement which one come first, but I can the ‘improvement’.

 

This is the recent one

I don't know exactly how would my parents feel about these, reminiscing the past. If it is me, I am so touched and content as if I were the parents, lol.

yes, over sensitive, I know I am. lol.

I still remember when I was a kid, I love to buy present for my mom on Mother Days. I get too excited to decorate the card, make plan with my dad and my other siblings. I remember there was time where I asked my dad to take me to florist shop because I wanted to buy a rose for my mom. I remember me and my siblings made a saving for the sake of Mother’s days. It’s not that only the time when we appreciate our mom, it just we wanted it to be more special. I remember how my youngest sister was so eager decorating the card, finding the poem to dedicate to my mom. Those were good old times.

As I grow older, the physical distance getting further between me and my family, my mom. But amazingly, despite the distance, we grow closer in terms of understanding and the feeling of always wanted her to be around.

As I grow older, I am getting to understand the reasoning behind decision she made previously. Like why did she forbid me from doing certain things, this and that. She was being so protective. I now could agree to most of the things which I thought were wrong that actually it is right. I was naïve and still I am. But mama never failed to be there to guide me through thick and thin. Never once she gets tired of showing her support even sometimes it could be difficult for her. She always wants the best for me.

Reminding of the times when I was secretly disagreed and unhappy with her, I started to feel silly of myself. I did not used to be a rebellious, that’s why most of the time, I just keep it to myself and just go as what being told. Well, after all I was being a normal teenager.

I still remember when I had my first heart break, I cried like as if I could never be healed. She was there lending her full attention, empathy and everything she got. And I know she’s hurt to see me that way, she just wanted me to get well and heal. She always eager to listen, and when she listen.. she listen by heart.

Now she’s more a best friend to me than a mom in sense that I could tell her anything. Because I know she will never judge me. She will always be on my side. She will always try to give the best advice and help me through situations.

She seems a happy person, but I know deep inside she started to feel lonely when the children growing up and we’re started to being apart in terms of distance. It’s difficult to get together as 1 family as life currently taking us to different places. Even so, I know we are strongly connected by heart.

Every time I get home, I am proud and happy to sleep with my mom. I didn’t really appreciate those old times I had previously. Now, each time I have a chance to sleep with her, to hug her, I will always do that. I feel closer than ever. God, I love her. I love mama, ayah and my family. I always wanted to be there. I am busy with my things, I know that they are growing old. I want to treasure every single time I wish I could.

By the time I write this, I don’t know why I get too emotional. I just want her to be happy and feel complete in her life. I could never able to repay her, for everything she has done. I want her to be happy and to be a daughter who can make her proud. I want her to feel what I feel, I want her to feel that she is the best mother for us.I would never trade her for anything. I want every people I love to be happy. Please be happy, you people are too precious.

I love you mama.